


A Week of Fakery

by Avidfanficwriter



Category: Real Person Fiction
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fake Dating, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Mentions of Sex, fake romance, implied sex, lying
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-30 04:16:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17821721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avidfanficwriter/pseuds/Avidfanficwriter
Summary: Running into your ex, is never pleasant. If you’re Jeremy Renner, it’s even worse because instead of saying your fine, you’ve accidentally agreed to a couples vacation with your girlfriend. which would be fine, if he actually had a girlfriend.





	A Week of Fakery

Jessica is in the middle of washing peach shampoo out of her hair and singing her lungs out to the second chorus of No Scrubs by TLC when suddenly her music abruptly stops. She groans assuming the song is buffering and rakes her fingers through her pixie hair when a male voice startles her.

“I need your help.”  

“Jesus fuck!” She shouts, letting out a deep breathe. “Jeremy!”

Jeremy can’t help but smile as he leans against the sink, “I’m sorry! Should I have let you finish your song?”

She grabs the shower curtain, pulling it open far enough to peek her head out. “How did you get in?” She asks.

Jeremy shrugs his shoulders. “Key.”

Emotions drain from her face as she stares blankly at him, “The key I gave you for emergencies?” He nods forcing her to groan. The curtain closes quickly, causing the metal hooks to slide across the pole. “Whatever can I do for you, Mr. Renner?” She asks sarcastically.

He inhales before speaking, “I ran into Scarlett–”

“Which one was Scarlett?”

“You never met her.”

“Oh.”

“We started talking– and Christ woman, how can you breathe with all this steam?” He asks flipping the switch for the fan and opening the door to allow a decent flow of oxygen in the small space.

“I didn’t invite you into the bathroom, you’re more than welcome to leave.”

He rolls his eyes, “Anyway, I told her I was seeing someone–”

“Oh god, Jeremy!” She shouts, hitting the shower curtain to emphasize her anger. “Don’t make me play your girlfriend.” Jessica stares at the ugly pale wall before her, littered in beads of water, knowing with all certainty that she’s been chosen to play a role in whatever lies Jeremy has constructed.

It feels like hours before he speaks, “It’s not what you’re thinking.”

“What am I thinking?”

She hears the shower curtain move and glances over to see his hand pressing against it, a dark shadow the only indicator of his presence. It’s the equivalent of a hand on her shoulder. “All you would have to do is pretend to be my girlfriend for a week, seven days. That’s hardly nothing.”

Jessica rolls her eyes, pushing his hand away. “That’s exactly what I was thinking.” She says with a hint of sarcasm on her tongue. She turns off the shower, sighing. “Towel.”

Jeremy is already there, shoving the towel through the opening of the curtain, turning his head and closing his eyes even though she was still hidden behind the dark blue shower curtain. He hears the curtain slide across the poles and then feels her body heat.

“Why did you tell her you were seeing someone?”

“I wasn’t thinking.”

“Clearly.” She gently pushes his chest. “Scoot.” he steps back, slowly opening his eyes and leaning on the wall next to the sink. Jessica uses her hand to clear the fog from the mirror then grabs a comb and taming her short spiky locks.

“She wanted to go to on a couples vacation, I panicked, she assumed I was with someone. I agreed before I realized what was coming out. I thought it was one of those things, you say yes but it never happens but she texted me this morning and saying she was planning on buying the tickets.”

“And you dated this woman?”

“Yes.”

Jessica nods her head, piercing her lips together. “Why didn’t I meet her?”

He chews his bottom lip. “It didn’t last long.”

She turns to face him, confusion spread across her face. “You barely dated this woman but you didn’t want to tell her you were single? What are you trying to prove to this woman?”

“That I’m not into her.”

She pinches the bridge of her nose. “Wouldn’t it be easier to just tell her you’re not caught up on her?”

“She wouldn’t believe me.”

“Well… are you caught up on her?”

“No!”

“So, this extravagant lie is what? A fun past time?”

He glares at her, crossing his arms over his chest. “I panicked.”

“I don’t know about this, Jeremy.”

“Please, it’s only a week.”

“A week of pretending we are a couple?” The question comes out with a sense of uneasiness.

“Yes. We won’t do anything, you might have to kiss me and hold my hand– or arm but that’s it.”

“I don’t know.” She sighs, scratching her hair.

“I’ll buy you a new set of heels.”

“Oh, you mean to go with my other non-existent set of heels I own?”

“Wrong gift.”

She nods, “Hand me my clothes and turn around.”

Jeremy reluctantly hands her the clothing and turns around, the wheels in his head turning as he tries to think of a way to get her to agree. “Lunch for a week?” He suggests.

“Try again.” 

It’s silent as she dresses, most likely contemplating her options. She pushes past Jeremy and heads into the living room, startling him for a second. “Wouldn’t it be easier to just say your girlfriend is busy?”

“Scarlett bought the tickets already.”

Jessica shakes her head, “So, you agreed to..” her sentence falls short as she turns to look at him shocked and instantly Jeremy knows he’s fucked up. “Wait a minute... How did you she manage to buy a ticket if you don’t have a girlfriend?” She ponders the question for a second. “In order for her to have bought the tickets, they would have to be in our names. Which means you gave her my name before you even asked me.”

Jeremy is rendered speechless, staring at her like he’s a child caught lying to his mother. “I...” That’s all that comes out is a series of I’s. 

“Jeremy? My damn dog may not be good for much but one word can turn that lazy ass dog into a killer.” 

He half smiles, shrugging his shoulders. “I hoped you would agree.”

“What happens if I don’t?” 

“I would be forced to not go.”

“And another lie would be too hard?” 

Jeremy plops down on the couch beside her, groaning. “Did you even shave?” 

Her look is full of daggers, “Don’t try to change the subject.”

“I apologize.” He holds his hands up before dropping them suddenly to his side. “What do you say will you be my pretend girlfriend?”?”

Groaning, “Yes, I agree to be your fake girlfriend because you couldn’t tell the truth.” 

Jeremy smiles, quickly pulling Jessica into a large hug “I want a haircut.” she mumbles into his shoulder.

“Didn’t you just get one a few months back?”

“Yes... But you see this?” She touches the side of her head, rubbing against the short strands of hair. “Notice how it is significantly shorter than the hair on top of my head?” He nods. “That’s how I like it. Less than an inch on the sides and back but with long enough hair on top to style. To achieve this lovely hairstyle, one must cut their hair frequently” She smiles. 

“Fine.” He shakes his head. “I’ll pay for you to cut your damn hair.”

“And you get Luca’s dog food for the next three months.” He disagrees with that part, a week of a fake relationship with an all expenses paid for trip was not equal to three months of him paying for dog food for her never stop eating pitbull mix that spent half the day laid out on her bed, ignoring everyone. Yet he doesn’t argue, he accepts the terms knowing she was hesitant to accept in the first place, so he nodded, trying to no push his luck. “Couldn’t this have waited until morning?” The thought occurs to her.

“No, I expected you to be watching television but you being the shower prevented you from going anywhere.” 

“You ambushed me?” She questions, shocked. “What a great boyfriend you’ll be.” 

“That makes you the luckiest girl in the world, babycakes.” There’s an overly cheesy smile on his face. 

“Where are we going anyway?”

“Hawaii.”

Jessica groans dropping her head into her hands. “Great, Now I have to shave.” 

Hawaii, the go-to destination for couples full of exotic animals, romantic islands and lavish expenses. Except her extravagant vacation was all part of a ruse and she was going with a man, she had the least romantic connection with.

A few days later, she found herself on the internet searching for pictures of Jeremy and his mysterious girlfriend Scarlett. The first picture she found was the pair at a festival together, the blonde has her hands wrapped around him while she kisses his neck. The next series of pictures are all the same, the pair hanging on one another.

She calls Jeremy, putting him on speaker phone as soon as he answers.  “Hello, babycakes.” 

“God, tell me, you’re gonna think up a new pet name.” 

“What’s wrong? Don't like babycakes?”

“No!”

“Fine, princess.” 

“I’m gonna break up with you.” 

Jeremy chuckles, “What’s up?”

“Why did you and Scarlett break up?”

"Just didn’t work out.” 

Jessica raises an eyebrow. “Really? Because you two look like you were planning on having sex in public.” 

“Are you looking at pictures?”

“I’m nosy. Wanted to know who I was up against.” She clicks through a few more pictures. “Would it kill you to date a girl that didn’t look like she could be crowned America’s next top model?”

“That’s why I asked you.”

“Asshole.” 

“Are you all packed?” He asks changing the subject.

“About that...”

“What?”

“I’m not going to be able to go.” She winces, waiting for him to respond.

“What do you mean? You can’t go?”

“I have to work.” 

“Scarlett already bought tickets for us. It’s all scheduled. You said you got the week off.” 

“I have a mountain of paperwork.”

“I paid for your haircut and you’re bailing on me.”

She rolls her eyes, “I’m sorry, would you rather I neglect my paperwork and let all the poor little children fail because their teacher went on a trip instead of grading?”

He mutters something under his breath, “Why don’t you bring it?”

“Bring it?”

“You can work when we get back to the hotel. It’s not like we’re going to do anything.” 

“We’ll see.” 

“If we’re going to do something?” He questions, jokingly. 

“I’m really going to punch ya.” 

He lets out a loud laugh, “I love ya, babycakes.” He says and quickly hangs up before she has a chance to respond. Jessica growls in response, grabbing her phone and sending off a quick text to him full of another insult. 

The big day comes quicker than Jessica expected, suddenly it’s midnight, her bags are packed and she's sitting on her couch waiting for Jeremy to show up. “Be ready by 12:00, he said. No later. Not 12:01, or 12:05. Exactly 12:00.” She mocks, pulling out her cell phone she reads the time. “It’s 12:15.” 

Her front door swings open letting in the brisk cold night air into the house. “Look who decided to show up. I thought you were leaving me.” 

“Never.” He smiles. “Ready?”

“Ready as I'll ever be.”

They arrive at the airport, luggage in tow as Jessica frantically checks the names on the tickets and that they are at the right airport. “Will you stop it, you’ve double checked everything fifteen times so far. It matches. One says Jeremy Renner, the other says, Jessica Beckham. The flight is at 3:30am, it’s 2:00. It’s alright.” Jeremy pats her on the shoulder as he reads the scheduled flights board before them. “And right there, is our gate.”

“You’re positive?”

“Yes. Relax, I’ve done this multiple times. I travel all the time, I’m on top of this.” 

“Excuse me, Mr. I’m famous, I travel with an entourage all the time. Those of us with real jobs don’t travel all the time.”

“Acting is a real job.”

“No, molding the children of our future is a real job.” She corrects with a smirk on her face. “Prancing around in front of a camera with makeup on is not a real job.”

“I should have never of asked you to go,” Jeremy says shaking his head. 

“Nope.”

They head to Gate 6 when Jeremy suddenly stops, dead in his track accidentally making Jessica run into him. “God, Jer.” She groans, stepping to the side of him. He doesn’t respond or move. “Jeremy? Is this because of the jab about acting? I was just kidding.” She apologizes, truly unsure what he’s stopped for. “Jeremy? you know, for a fake boyfriend you could pretend to listen to me at least a real one would make it seem like he is.” She rants when suddenly they are approached by the beautiful Scarlett, whose full of smiles and laughter. 

“Jeremy!” Scarlett shouts from across the room, glee in her voice. 

Quickly, He reaches over and grabs Jessica’s hand as they start walking towards her. “Remember you’re my girlfriend.” 

“Oh, thanks I almost forgot what I was doing here.” She jokes. 

Jeremy stops, turning to face her, making it look like a couple's embrace, a romantic moment. He puts his hand on her waist, her brown eyes peering up at him. “Just cause I agreed to kiss you doesn’t mean I want to do it now.”

He rolls his eyes, “Woman, could we keep the sarcastic comments to a minimum while we are here?”

“Is three bags of dog food and a haircut really worth that?”

“Three bags of dog food, a haircut and a free trip to Hawaii is more than enough.” 

“A free trip to Hawaii and I’m not with an actual boyfriend nor am I getting laid. Woohoo.” She tosses her arm up in the air cheering while Jeremy shakes his head. “Alright, I’m done.” 

“Good. Come on.” He puts his hand on her back, smiling as they continue their walk towards Scarlett. “Let’s go to Hawaii, babycakes.”

Jessica doesn’t have the opportunity to respond before Scarlett rushes towards them, full of smiles. “Jeremy! I was getting worried you weren’t coming!” 

“Are you kidding? We wouldn’t miss this for the world, right, babycakes?” He rubs, Jessica’s shoulders.

“Right.” She agrees, glancing up at Jeremy. 

“Uh... Jessica, this is Scarlett.” He says smiling. “The lovely woman who arranged this trip.” 

“It’s nice to meet you, Scarlett. I just want to say thank you for this. it means a lot to me. We don’t get the chance to get out much.” 

“It’s no problem, I’d do anything for Jeremy.” She says with a sly smile. 

Jessica nods, her smile slowly beginning to disappear as she quietly repeats Scarlett’s word,  _‘I’d do anything for Jeremy.’_ She glances at Jeremy who seems unfazed by the comment, completely oblivious as they talk about the plans after they land. Jessica stands idly by, watching the interaction when she’s greeted by a Daniel whose all smiles and far too handsome to be single. 

“Old friends get together and suddenly no one else exists, huh?” He remarks with a hint of a southern accent. Jessica nods, chewing on her bottom lip as she tries to avoid his glance. “Oh, I’m sorry. I’m Daniel, Scarlett’s Fiance.” She knew it, to handsome to be single. 

“Oh! I’m Jess.” She says in a much happier tone. “Nice to meet you.” 

“Ever been to Hawaii?” He asks, flattening his tie on his chest. 

“Unfortunately not.” She shrugs her shoulders. “Closest I’ve been is one of those little snow globes that says Hawaii.” 

He chuckles and nods. “Jeremy never taken you?” 

There’s about a million sarcastic comments that come to her head, all of which would end the charade, she and Jeremy are pulling. Instead, she nods. “We are new, trying to take it one step at a time. What about you? Big time stock broker in Hawaii?” She asks, motioning towards his now wrinkled suit

He smiles, “No, I’m a big shot lawyer in Los Angeles.” 

“Could of used you a few months ago.” She remarks, before Daniel has the opportunity to ask for more details, Jeremy’s hand wraps around her waist, pulling her into him. 

“Ready babe?” He asks. 

“If you are.” She forces a smile as the four walk towards the airport gate, each having completely different ideas of what this trip would include.


End file.
